Cheshire Cat’s Guide to Wonderland

The Cheshire Cat’s Guide to Wonderland is a popular Edenian travelogue, much shorter in length than the seminal Journals of Lüe and far more whimsical. It was composed by William Whiskers during his time as a member of the Crown’s Guard for Queen Frieda Jacobs and begins with the oft-quoted line “Where you should go depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”

Background

The seven nations of Wonderland were unified by Frieda Jacobs in 263, resulting a United Kingdom which aimed to count itself amongst the major powers in Eden. As part of her efforts to bolster tourism, the new Queen of Hearts tasked William Whiskers with compiling a document which might show the rest of the world what their new country had to offer. Whiskers, eager to do his part, heartily agreed. All he asked in return was to be spared the indignity of editorial oversight. His purple prose was not to be meddled with and reduced to common lavender.

Structure & Style

The book is comprised of seven chapters, plus an introduction and a brief foreword by Whiskers’ friend and rival Rumapa Stiltskín.

Whiskers orders the chapters in accordance with the way he thinks one might best visit all seven lands: in a rough loop. He moves first from west to east, taking us through Promiseland, Motherland, Fatherland, and The Highlands. Then he turns south into Neverland and proceeds back to the west through The Realm and Yesterland.

Each chapter is divided into three sections: attractions, dining, and shopping.

Highlights

While the author was “disinclined to acquiesce to implorations” that he include superlatives, some entries are more effusive in their praise than others. These include the following:

Promiseland

Camelot. The larger of the two castles in the provincial capital of Covenant, it was built by King Arthur in 154—using only the magic of his enchanted sword.
The Bonnie Bubbler. Famed for cooking all of its foodstuffs in nanlaríx fat, the Bubbler has some dishes that will make larger, some that will make you small, and some that will make you anything at all. At least that’s how a slick server called Grace once put it to the author.
Grandmother’s House. Here you’ll find the spinning wheel with which Marnie Miller once transfigured straw into gold, as well as the original hand-drawn family tree of Frieda Jacobs.

Motherland

The Unfalls. A waterfall which defies convention, the Unfalls shoot upward instead of falling downward. Because it’s a sacred spot to many of Eden’s native halflings—and because it would be incredibly dangerous—the Cat suggests you don’t try to surf your way up or down. That said, there are plenty of authorized halfling-piloted and magically-powered watercraft which will help you make the journey. For a nominal fee, of course.
Gingerbread House. It’s bigger on the inside. Way bigger, in fact. Once you cross the threshold, you’ll enter a candy-themed pocket dimension which has been affectionately dubbed “Confection Country.” Be sure to check out the Gummy Bear Jamboree, a relaxing boat ride through Lollipop Forest with a Gummy Bear Guide who will sing you songs and tell you dad jokes along the way.
Lasso Lounge. While the brothel upstairs might not be everyone’s cup of tea, the gift shop downstairs is a must-visit. Here you can buy original art by the struggling artists who moonlight at the lounge, as well as the famous intimacy aid known as Phina’s Tongue and countless other delightful souvenirs.

Fatherland

Foundry of the Seven. A factory founded by the seven dwarves who were exiled from the Reek after their sabotage of that nation’s Genetic Elevation and Manipulation project, this foundry is best known for being the hiding place of Sadie Winters after her escape from her wicked stepmother.
Frankburg City Distillery & Strudel Fountain. Founded by elven ghosts, this distillery and its attached pub are famous for its Lichen Schnapps. But while you’re there, William Whiskers insists that you simply must try the strudel fountain. A variety of pastries are available for filling or topping, or you can even bring your own!
Nish Jewelers. Founded by Nish, the longest lived of the aforementioned seven dwarves, this one-time side project is now the province’s preeminent purveyor of trinkets and regalia.

The Highlands

Tomb of the Deepest Root. This tunnel system in Dab Ea was first dug in the hopes that the purportedly immortal King Hamish could be entombed there. Sadly, the dastardly old so-and-so got wind of these plans and disappeared before he could be buried alive, but now there’s a wonderful tourist attraction instead. So all is not lost!
Meltwater Tavern. It was here in this pub, in the year 142, that historic Treaty of Meltwater was signed—an agreement which established the aforementioned Autonomous Zone of Dab Ea. Perhaps if the whisky weren’t so good, history could have taken a very different turn. Be sure to try the bacon butty if you find yourself still inside as the sun’s coming up.
Germelshausen. This hamlet only comes out of hiding once a decade, so the general store is a must-visit if you happen to be passing by on the right day. Just make sure to get beyond the city limits before the clock strikes midnight!

Neverland

Jack’s Beanstalk. Sprouting from the island village of Learstown, this enormous peduncle climbs into the sky above the Sea of Tears and straight into the clouds of the Storm That Would Not Move. Deemed off-limits by the Council of Five, there are nevertheless unlicensed tours available to those who can pay the price.
Rampion’s Tower. If you can find the remote island where Daisy Rampion was held captive for a year, you’re in for a treat. Climb the rope made of the future queen‘s long, long hair and you’ll find a descendant of hers serving up the best seafood salad for miles and miles around. And hey, just because it’s the only seafood salad for miles and miles around doesn’t mean it’s not good!
Belladonna’s Booty. When you’ve lost something in Neverland, there is one place it is bound to turn up eventually—and that’s right here at Belladonna’s Booty. Located in Seadog City on the Island of Pirates, it’s the province’s most reliable lost & found—and the most expensive!

The Realm

Coincidance. It’s the center of Üftian nightlife for a reason. Here, inside the walls of a club which was once buried by the desert, you will always find someone who is totally into you—but who, for some reason, you’ve never met until now.
The Old Salt. One of the oldest eateries in the city of Saltgate, The Old Salt is a hole in the wall fish & chips shop in the Walter’s Wharf neighborhood, and it specializes in dishes seasoned with flavored salts. Try the citrus zest or the coconut lime to give your tongue the ride of its life.
Wanda’s. If you’re looking for the perfect implement through which you might channel your arcane power, look no further than Wanda’s in Cliffside. Whether you’re a sorcerer, wizard, warlock, or witch, Wanda has you covered. Artificers are also welcome, though old-timers may give you the evil eye if you’re intent on enchanting any new-fangled tech from outside Wonderland.

Yesterland

Yesterland Academy. The preeminent center of learning in Wonderland, Yesterland Academy is the place to go for cutting edge lectures, concerts, and arts exhibitions. Or, if you’d prefer your excursions on the more tawdry side, pay a visit in the spring for the Frolic & Fob and enjoy the magic of the only predictable blue anvil in all the land.
Purple Crater Winery. This cooperative vintner sells wines from all but one of the vineyards that call the supernaturally fertile soil of the Purple Crater home. The lone holdout, a doomsday prepper, is saving all of his wine for himself for the end of the world.
Bridge of Cloth. Near the center of Old Ludditon, you will find the settlement’s most popular river crossing. And on that bridge, you will find an open air market founded by priestesses of The Faith. Here you can shop the wares of the the most talented tailors, seamstresses, and milliners in

Reception & Legacy

Though Whiskers’ ornate prose turned off some readers, the usefulness of his incredibly well structured overview has proven an invaluable resource for decades. Those who quibble with the Cat’s overuse of adjectives, adverbs, and metaphors can’t argue with how easy the book makes finding something to eat, buy, or do—no matter which far-flung corner of Wonderland you might find yourself in.

In terms of Frieda Jacobs’ goal in commissioning the work—to increase tourism and establish the world’s perception of her new country—The Cheshire Cat’s Guide to Wonderland was a smashing success. Together with Jacobs’ lifting of the 121-year-old ban on halflings, Whiskers’ book helped to define the average Edenian’s thoughts on Wonderland for generations to come.

Type

Guide, Travel

Authoring Date

263–265

Authors